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Governmentium - Heaviest Element Known to Science

Story Text:
I found this in my e-mail box and found it to be particularly appropriate in light of recent events in Louisiana. "Governmentium", at least in the United States, has proven itself to be a very, very dense element..

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of what is believed to be the heaviest (and densest) chemical element yet known to science.
The new element has been named Governmentium.
Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.
However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of governmentium caused one reaction to take more than 4 days to complete when it would normally take one second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 4 years; however, it does not decay, but instead undergoes multiple reorganizations in which a
portion of the assistant neutrons, assistant deputy neutrons, and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming iso-dopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

Honestly, I found myself shaking my head at this. I almost couldn't even laugh because it is so dead on. This piece, I believe, really gives a good picture of how the American people feel about the events that happened after Hurricane Katrina.
Do you know..I actually debated if I should post this in Bollocks or Social Community?

- Y! MyWeb

And talking of

And talking of Katrina/Louisiana, i found this article on the University of Colorado website.

For those of you without the time to read it, here's a quick version.

Basically it's a run down of what would have happened if hurricane Ivan HAD hit New Orleans in 2004. Someone should have taken these warnings a little more seriously.

The author says:

New Orleans was spared, this time, but had it not been, Hurricane Ivan would have:

Pushed a 17-foot storm surge into Lake Pontchartrain;

Caused the levees between the lake and the city to overtop and fill the city “bowl” with water from lake levee to river levee, in some places as deep as 20 feet;

Flooded the north shore suburbs of Lake Pontchartrain with waters pushing as much as seven miles inland; and

Inundated inhabited areas south of the Mississippi River.

Up to 80 percent of the structures in these flooded areas would have been severely damaged from wind and water. The potential for such extensive flooding and the resulting damage is the result of a levee system that is unable to keep up with the increasing flood threats from a rapidly eroding coastline and thus unable to protect the ever-subsiding landscape.

Also, more worryingly, it gives estimated casualties:

If Ivan had struck New Orleans directly it is estimated that 40-60,000 residents of the area would have perished.

And, a final conclusion:

The Future is Now
These solutions may not be able to overtake the speed of coastal loss. Strong storms not only threaten human lives, but also the physical coast itself. National hurricane experts predict more active and powerful hurricane seasons in the Atlantic basin for the next 10-40 years. The hurricane scenario for New Orleans that these converging risks portend is almost unimaginable. Hurricane Ivan had the potential to make the unthinkable a reality. Next time New Orleans may not be so fortunate.

Made me shiver.

By willohara at Sep 16 2005 - 15:41

Brilliant piece.

Wow.

By whistle at Sep 19 2005 - 13:47