The Solution to all your Traffic Problems

16 comments
Source Title:
ClickMonkeys
Story Text:

Unbelieveable. All this time I've been struggling to get natural traffic, and all I needed was ClickMonkeys. I'm turning in my hat, and planning which Caribbean island I'm gonna buy with the proceeds of my new business model.

See you in Cuba!

Comments

H.M.S. SPAM Monkey is painted PINK

Would we be offering this service over the Internet if it weren't legal? Hell no! Click Monkeys!!™ is a Ukrainian company and the giant tanker ship click farm we have stationed just outside U.S. waters off the coast of San Francisco is registered at a Ukrainian berth so we're not subject to any U.S. laws! You're not breaking any laws because you're just contracting us to deliver unique visitors, page views and click through, the same as you would be doing by paying Yahoo! or Excite for banner ads! The difference is we guarantee results! Click Here to find out all about our state of the art click farm and wireless ship to shore broadband connection!!

Google Bomb Your Competition!

so how legal is this?

http://www.clickmonkeys.com/google_bomb.shtml

I'm not even sure that this is real - it could be a joke - i hope

It's all there, in black and white

>> Is it legal? You bet! There's no law that prevents us from clicking on ads!

I don't see what could possibly go wrong

so much could go wrong :(

what if the monkeys strike?

I mean working three computers each for an 8 hour shift will make it hard for them to eat their lunchtime bananas and there's no mention of free eye-tests either.

I see industrial action in the near future and I'd be careful how much you pay upfront.....

Monkey union

?

brilliant

Quote:
As long as you remain a customer of Click Monkeys!!™ we'll never tell!!

Does this mean they will tell if you cancel your account? Great idea to decrease cancelled accounts :)

Registrant info :-) "Don't Save Toby"

Quote:
Registrant:
Sidney Zwibel
2000 Brewster Ave
Redwood City, California 94062
United States

Registered through: GoDaddy.com
Domain Name: CLICKMONKEYS.COM
Created on: 03-Jul-01
Expires on: 18-Aug-06
Last Updated on: 18-Aug-05

Administrative Contact:
Sanchez, Rick

2000 Brewster Ave
Redwood City, CA 94062
United States
415-218-3532

You might also like to look at this pertaining to another of his sites.

[url=http://www.petsorfood.com ]http://www.petsorfood.com [/url]those of us with long memories will recall

Quote:
If you select our "Don't Save Toby" Bunny Liberation special, the bunny you purchase will be pastured on our 327 acre ranch in Northern California. Pets or Food™ will guarantee the bunny you save will live out its life in total comfort.

Wouldn't surprise me if TallTroll did both the sites

I so wish they were mine

I really do....

Not guilty, however.

BTW, you may be further interested in a ZOOBQ, from the same stable (pun sort of intended)

Dont' ya just love the

Dont' ya just love the internet?

New! Extra services now available

Following an extensive training and recruitment program, not only can you hire the services of ClickMonkeys, but Primate Programmers. Now you really can make your dev team work for peanuts

I Love This "Quote"

"Bill was putting a lot of pressure on us to dominate the web portal business, but we just didn't see how we could build our traffic quickly enough. We turned to Click Monkeys!!™ to deliver the uniques we needed to show up in the Media Metrix top 20. Thanks to them, I got my bonus, our site is on top of the charts, and Bill thinks I'm great!" --Product Manager, MSN.com

Man...BIll Gates and crew will do anything to catch up with Google...LOL

Heh, hteir alexa reading is

Heh, their alexa reading is pretty pitiful. I guess they don't waste their tools on their own site.

Free the enslaved monkeys!

1 monkey x 1 hour = 720 page views/clicks
1 monkey x 1 day = 17,280 page views/clicks
5,000 monkeys x 1 day 86,400,000 page views/clicks!!!!

They rent these poor little guys out at $1 CPM so the boat makes $86400 a day divided by 5000 monkeys is $17 a furball. Minus at least 50% to run the boat and pay the 800lb Gorillas whipping them to click faster and the poor guys are lucky to clear a buck an hour for being away from their families living on a rusty old tanker... Poor little Monkeys.

> Poor little Monkeys yes,

> Poor little Monkeys

yes, where is SMA-NA when you really need them (in case you did not see the recent dispute, apparently another organisation used the name before Ian came into the picture with our SEO group - under the name: "Sex with Monkeys Association - No Apes (SMA-NA)" http://forums.searchenginewatch.com/showthread.php?t=7362&goto=nextnewest

DO NOT go there if you are too sensitive :)

seems a natural fit

Monkeys vs. pigeons ala http://www.pigeon-trouble.com/. What's the problem?

I laughed so hard at this I cried...

My god, maybe it's just me, but the "H.M.S. Click Monkey" with "state of the art kitchen and living facilities" had me laughing so hard I was crying.

"Even if the Click Monkey were to drift by 3 miles from her stationary position in the roughest weather, our monkeys can still keep clicking on your site!"

This guy is a GD brilliant comedian.

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